Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Probity, no Mendacity

"I see you in the dark, for your mind is in the dark." "Too sarcastic? Telling me I don't have anything going on inside my head?" "No, what I meant is that you're clouded with judgment, with hate, and with your entirety." "And what do you see in the dark?" "I see desires, evil deeds, failures, and yet there is goodness." "As they say that darkness doesn't exist since it's just the absence of light." "And light isn't absent." "For there were those days we chose to turn to the light." "And forget the darkness the surrounds us, but remember the closer you are to the light the shadow you cast becomes greater." "There's a reason the shadow is behind me." "And the reason is that the darkness will never leave you."

Is it the morning sun that remains to greet just so it can remind me how the day is going to end, enveloped in darkness? How long must I search for a clearer reason that light won't remain for long? I've answered my own questions far too many times that only led to even more questions. I have seen the world through the eyes of those that failed, succeeded, hated, loved, hurt, lost, and inspired. I thought they were different parts of me until I realized everything I did for myself was my very entirety. Maybe that's why I thought my mind was in the dark. I thought there are different parts of me that don't find each other because in my mind they're separated in the darkness. I was wrong to assume, just because of my intelligence, that there is no darkness. I have created the darkness between who I was, who I am, and who I'm going to be.

Again I asked myself how long must I search for a clearer reason that light won't remain for long? Maybe it's because people get tired, or simply chose no longer to do so. I kept my head held high breathing what remains of my life. Every breath I took, a mystery. As the air passes through my lungs I grow closer to finishing what remains of my life, but there is more to be done. I pause for a moment and still I don't have my answers for a clearer reason. I tried to understand what I'm missing and then in a few moments I do.

I know what the answer is. The answer is meant to be known only at the right time. How can I force nature, the future, my behavior, and my understanding to move about this necessary evil and light that plights my mind. Humanity isn't about doing what is right for yourself, it doesn't make the lone light in the darkness any brighter but only to douse it. What I know is that we were meant to share the light for those who are lost. Sometimes that we lost ourselves even more trying to find with only what we know, because sometimes the answer doesn't lie in ourselves. The answer may lie in someone else and there are still more to ask and more to answer, but at least I know how the world will never cease to question us. However, one thing is for sure. There are questions that were already answered and plenty more unanswered as I breathed in deeper the remaining time I still have.