Sunday, March 17, 2013

Durance of Analgesia

"Can you tell me what else is ahead of me?" "I can but I won't. It's best you know them by yourself as you go along the way." "I'm afraid... As always. After, you know. that incident." "Who wouldn't be? I was too when that happened to you." "Tell me, how come of all the possible instances I'm still here?" "I hate to tell you, but just so you can suffer a little more longer. Well you know, life's full of pain. Happiness? The opium of the people." "Well what are you up to?" "Will smuggle more of this "opium" and let people suffer more at the expense of "this"" "So you want pain?" "No, I am pain." "You're evil." "Pain isn't evil, it gets people to rethink, understand, appreciate, realize things you never did!" "Maybe, I already knew from the start. I just didn't know how to."

Sometimes I fall down to my feet. Sometimes I can't get up when I lay down. Sometimes I just stand there without moving. Sometimes I sit staring blankly ahead. I minimize my movements, but somethings in my body still move... My rapid breathing, my hands that cover my face, my nose that doesn't stop being runny, and my eyes that doesn't stop tearing up. I know I'm weak. I know they told me to be strong, and I know I have been strong in my own way. Who would understand the death defying things I've done for myself just to stay alive and survive in this world? Does anybody know. NO! And here they are telling me I'm weak. You don't know how much strength it takes to admit to myself those mistakes that I have done, and to accept that I should continue living. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT! OF ALL THIS CONTROL! OF THESE BRAINWASHING! THIS PSEUDO-FREEDOM! UGH