Thursday, October 18, 2012

Astraddle Adjudicature

"What has been going?" "Life has been going on and it has never been anymore crappier." "So much for motivational optimism." "That's false hope." "Well everything runs on false hope." "It keeps us alive." "No it keeps us surviving, but we're not alive." "So what would have had done to change it?" "Nothing, no one can be a catalyst for it." "So you sit back without bothering to change the world?" "I would love to change it, but there's nothing to do but to criticize it." "Well played." "On what? I don't understand." "What has been going on?" "What? I don't know." "I know... You're confused, addled, perplexed, astraddle..." "Always been... Never will I get a clear sight from this vertigo."

Who do you say I am? Who do you say you are? What did you tell them? What lies have you told them about yourself? What do you own, yet you are ashamed of? What ways have you demotivated others from their dreams, aspirations, and goals? How could you say that you were a better person when asked for few subtle things? How would say that what I did was wrong, what you did was right? It's a clear definition of you... Too much emotions played, too much devotion gave... It shouldn't have been you, it shouldn't have been me... What more would you take? What more would you break? How can you say that you are relieved from me? I have ensure a tightening bind, no matter how not rooting it is... It can consume you!

What graces have you relieved me from? I'm tired... This is just a supplement from a previous blog I did... How am I feeling today? Was already a feeling I had these past months... I have delineated my thoughts after what was lost and it's difficult but not as much as I did before... I was already moving past behind these false hopes and dreams I was hoping to achieve with you long ago, we were giving the sight of our happiness and love... You have destroyed a part of me and that part of me isn't you... I wasn't eager for the inevitable to come that leaving me behind was a choice for you, and now the end did finally come just a little too soon. I don't feel much pain than I expected, I was already moving on since the time we still see each other's laughter and felt no space in between our lips... It's painful, I should've told you how I felt long ago that I was no longer happy, there was this false hope that clung to me saying that you will stay, and I know in my mind the inevitable. There was this void of emptiness that I know you will never and can never fill, I found comfort in the words of someone else... In the company of someone else...

Yes... You had doubts, you had reason. You found out, it was treason. You knew my mistakes of letting myself fill the happiness that YOU were suppose to provide, but I'm a 100% sure that you can not... You told me I was more than enough for you, but my belief of that deteriorated because I felt no longer in the hands of pride and flail... I was in the hands of a secret or as far as I know I lie... Telling someone that it's not me for the reason of some things that come along with your emotions... You told me things that I may have realized that thinking about the future is too serious, so I became less serious then... I was also thinking why give devotion when you can't even to yourself about the real truth...

I hope my well of bitterness runs dry, because what ended was suppose to be bittersweet... We'll know the greener side of things about what was lost, what was supposed to be us. Supplying and demanding for each other those things we were suppose to provide for someone else. We will begin another search for someone that we can truly say "YOU'RE ENOUGH"... I know I have lied to you about being enough... I should've said it earlier, and I regret the pain you're feeling lately but I know you're doing better... Although if I told you earlier it could've been better by now... I'm sorry and thank you... Done and over. Nothing you should have next should be worse than what you had before... We'll change not for each other but for ourselves... We learn... That's what everything is about anyway...

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