Monday, June 11, 2012

Quiescent Adjudication

I'm a master of my own fate. I'm a master of my own life. I'm a master of my decisions. I'm a master of my consequences. I'm a master of my soul. I'm a slave of my emotions. It's sickening to be enslaved by what they say the one you're suppose to enslave. Quite an immaturity they say. Quite the stupidity and aggravated suspected consequences to come true. What have we been trying to save? What have we been trying to do? Wasn't there a day to smile, for a reason that another smiles too. Wasn't there a reason to smile, for a reason that someone doesn't smile. Save them, protect them. Don't lose, don't waste. Maybe there was a reason I feel like I wasted my TIME, my EFFORT, my HUMANITY, and my LIFE out of desperation.

Who said giving up was a choice? I think so they did? What has been a day without a fight, when after all you have been at a loss? Am I happy, enjoying, sad, or imploring something? Let's fight, let's live! Living light, feeling lit. Can we try to save what we have now? Can I stand for what I believe without that hesitation, without that unsupportive act that you so reluctantly do. So tactless, so unafraid, so ready to tell me I'm wrong, so ready to tell me I was never right. What have you been trying to prove? What have I been trying to help you prove? Do or die. See or flee. Run for the reason you have a life left to fulfill. Run for the reason that you still have that WANTS and that NEEDS that you want to fulfill.

I'm willing to run... AWAY! Run... TO LEAVE! Run... TO SAVE MYSELF! Run... TO HASTEN WHAT HAS BEEN COMPROMISED AND HALTED! Run... FROM THAT LIE!

Don't tell me I'm afraid, because it's you that is afraid. Don't tell me that it was true, when leaving was a choice. Was that you're saving grace? Was that for only play? Was that for that short live glory days and pleasure? Or was there even a glory day and it was all for pleasure? A time you wanted to compromise and to play with a heart that was willing to give an "all". Tell me? Please do? Please do. Please do! Please... What are your intentions? What are their intentions? Because you never knew my intention...

LET YOURSELF LIVE! LET YOURSELF BE ALIVE! LET YOURSELF FORGET WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO YOU! LET YOURSELF SEARCH FOR SOMETHING BETTER! LET YOURSELF WAIT UNTIL IT FINDS YOU! WE LIVE, WE DIE! BEING ASHAMED OF WHAT YOU HAVE, WHO YOU HAVE? WHY BOTHER HAVING THEM? THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE LONELY AND ASHAMED! WE ARE YOUNG! ONLY FEEL ASHAMED WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL ASHAMED! I HAVE BEEN THERE!

I'm tired. I'm fighting. I'm smiling, but darling what could be the reason? Is it you? Is it them? Is it myself? Or maybe there is no reason and I'm just fucking crazy? PRAY THOU MAY NOT BE HURT? I'm done here...