Monday, April 30, 2012

Perforating Elation

So I was at a loss for words. Every single moment it's painful, but yes it was a test of endurance. I was probably trying so hard to win, thinking deeply of how I am to avoid this life from getting any worse. Maybe as they all say "You're too young." maybe I'm not cut out for this, but who are you? Just who the hell are you? We lead different lives, our problems maybe similar, but the people around react to our problems differently... Just because you solved it the easy way, doesn't mean I can do the very same thing without someone reacting to it negatively, unlike yours. We all know that life is unfair, I've been telling myself to cling to hope... What is hope then? When what you're to achieve is impossible? It's the one that keeps me and the one that reminds me that I'm alive. Every single time I cling to it, it's difficult and it gives me the reason to fight back... I can't believe I'm actually crying to this post... Perforating Elation? Outwards actually, not into me.

This past few days of being alone, it's quite maddening? Difficult? Depressing? Unhealthy? But who would bother to care when these people you would want to be with isn't actually alone and enjoying with someone else? This is quite a maddening crowd I can't seem to see. I hoped for everyone tomorrow to be actually happy, it's all I'm asking for. The joy on someone else's faces, especially to those people who matter to you even though they remain ignorant of you, I can't seem to stop being happy for them. I always told myself never to be unhappy, as we all know at least one person is thinking of you right now... For good or bad intentions, at least you're on someone's mind. I've been for far too long in "Pursuit of Happiness", but recently my pursuit, tiring as it is, was worth it... I have someone who cares about me for who I am, I have that person to take care of for who they really are. Very emotional as it is, then what do you call Happiness then? It's also an emotion, a mental state, or a physical elation?

I just want let you all know that, yes we will go through some tough shit that none of us wants, because it's actually what we need. We're tired of living, as some of us might say, but these problems and in pursuit of solutions are the ones that keeps us alive and surviving... And the people we meet along the way, they're the ones that we cling to, to keep us sane, happy, and in love, because in the end they also need us too. We we're never really thought how to properly live, because no one knows how to, all they know is about surviving... And this, this search of every single barren of defiled places, we should always cling to hope because it never let go of any of us. What's happiness when what you're trying to fight for isn't going to bring that happiness you search for? What is happiness when after all those time of patiently waiting ended up for nothing? What is happiness when all your efforts turn wasted and hurt you further, just so you can be distant from it? I tell you this, it may have ended not so well, but you are a strong as any motherfucker I have ever seen... You deserve every respect after all those efforts, time given patience, and that endless search for it that didn't go so well, you're tough... That's something you should and to be happy about... It's these little things that we remain ignorant about, that we already happen to have to keep us happy...


Recently I have found someone that makes me happy, yes I've been kept sane, happy, and... In love. I can't be thankful enough for having that person in my life. I love you so much! and I also miss you! :) See you soon!

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