Monday, February 13, 2012

A Vacillating Fluctuation

"Where have you been?" "I have been watching you patiently" "Patiently? For what reason?" "To eventually see if you're ready." "For what?" "To win a heart." "I don't want to, I don't want to break one and especially my own." "You don't know how fragile yours is, you haven't even tried stretching it for someone." "I did. I don't want to feel that miserable and helpless again." "Were you? That will to fight, that strength to stay, that determination to keep your special someone from harm even though you're bleeding endlessly. So slow that any moment you're gone." "And I was gone. All that effort, such a waste. I just want to keep what we had." "And I knew you fought hard, and endlessly and still it didn't last." "Why are you reminding me this?" "To remind you that you are more than capable of winning another heart."

What's been happening dear Lord? Every moment I get a chance to tell you how I feel, something is telling me it's a lost cause, yet here I am still trying to get what I want. Torn apart, my vulnerabilities exposed to the world, and yet I still stood up just to protect the person I loved. Where has this will to fight been hiding within me, so strong I can think of it as never ending. I just want a clear sign, but maybe that **** was a clear sign that this fight was worth it. Damn it! I'm smiling here...

Thank you Lord for giving me such wonderful parents too... After all these years enveloped by infinite fear. It all went to waste for something excessively better. Now that problem has been settled, I have to win back the heart of someone I truly care about. I'll give all the time needed just as long that hopefully in the end we will be together. I know it's sort of selfish, but I just don't want all my efforts be wasted.

You know I'll wait! Time and rest is excessively needed. After what we've gone through, you always knew I wouldn't give up. Every second spent with you was worth it, through the week I saw nothing but you and can't wait to see you again right after we said our goodbyes. This is what I really want and I promise that I will take care of what we have, for a gift was given to me. Delicate, happy, someone who can understand me, though sometimes a little fearful I was always there to stand up and protect you. That mistake I made when I had that sleepless night, I just knew how lonely I will be when you leave, and I won't let that happen again. I know that you've forgiven me, but I just really want to apologize again. I don't want you to feel that same fear over again.

I just want to be with you. I'll wait for you again, let us not let anyone ruin this for us again. I love you, I always do, it's something you can no longer change.