Thursday, January 5, 2012

Altercations and Skirmishes

"You've been played." "I'm not that weak to concede to your ideas." "Oh really? Your so called blessings have been draining the very humanity that remains in you." "I suffer for this blessing and all form of love goes through hardships." "Did I ever mention love?" "You're trying to point out something about what I've been going through." "Fine you know what you win, it's your decision. Let go and live happily, or hold on and survive suffering?" "In the name of love, I would suffer but in the end I will live happy and will be simply contented."

This picture describes what has been going through my head right now. A never ending argument, my indecisiveness have clouded my judgement. In one way or another, we all get to suffer... It's your choice, not yours. Who are these people telling me to let go?! How dare you! I'm not here to follow you... Or maybe I should? My mind is slowly being ravaged. It hurts no matter what I do.

No matter where I go, I've been played... Even there is no one around who can play me, I do not know why but I play and hurt myself. Too long, I say that this battle has been going through! In the name of your remaining dignity, we fight and suffer this long battles... I'm just scared, confused, unsure, hopeless, helpless, and many more, but I know in the end I'll be happy...

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR FAR TOO LONG! IT'S BEEN YEARS! And while I lay bloody on the side of my savior, it scares me that it will leave me or actually do what I call it, my savior. I'm sorry if you got confused by what I'm saying, but this battle has to end although I know it wouldn't! THESE 18 YEARS OF MY EXISTENCE... Should I already say, "So long divine plan." or "Welcome my heartfelt sorrow."?

God of mercy and never ending grace, I must ask help from You and You know it wouldn't be the last... Just please, just let go of me... I'm so sorry! :'(

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