Friday, April 29, 2011

Orison and Benediction

"I'm sick of everyone being a bitch." "Don't waste your life dwelling on that." "That is what you all people say! Trying to ignore of what is really going on and then act happy." "So? Are you happy?" "Do you think I'm happy?" "Obviously not." "Then don't ask!" "Talk about being a bitch and a hypocrite." "Just shut up! You ruined my day and my life." "Fine! You know what. Just jump off a bridge because no one is ever gonna change for you!" "Shut up!" "Have you even thought that other people hate this kind of life yet they're happy?!" "I don't care!" "That's why, you always thought life would be a walk in the park but it's not! "Don't talk to me." "Ok fine I'm leaving. Just a little heads up awhile ago on your hypocracy and your thirstness for an impossible dream."

I don't know maybe I'm losing hope and if I do I wish that it continues. I can't get out anymore... I just can't runaway from this ruined world and it's inhabitants that continue to ravage it. I feel lost in every moment of pain. I don't know if I intentionally induce my indecisiveness when I am in pain or not. I'm drained out of all respect and sincerity, I even forgot who deserves it... I gave it all to myself. Undeserving as I can be I'm not suppose to feed myself of these privileges. In times that I intentionally forget about who deserve it I'm sorry.

I have just realized I have been feeding my thoughts on how to help the world and stay happy but in the end what it really did was... I was the one who ended needing help and at the same time unhappy. Never alone, yet feeling that you do. Will completely annihilate my joy... One petty mistake destroyed it all... How come destruction is so powerful and easy when you construct it's hard... You build respect and people's sincerity and one fatal mistake you lose it, and when you try to regain it... You even almost lost your life... I can't believe I have taken a beating from one petty and lousy mistake it drains me of my happiness but I feel the urge to rebuild it once again... In times like this other's seek death but what I seek is different... I seek a better life... Do my best to rebuild it but at the end you realize you're not doing your best and what you did was futile... I don't care if you do or not do this but it's been a long time as in a long time since I did this with my full respect and sincerity... and it's praying.

In times of dire need I'm such a hypocrite to let this all consume me when I induced it myself... God is no opiate and feels like he doesn't exist but no... because he is much more better than that. I respect you if you don't believe in Him and I'm asking for your respect because of me believing in Him... Because in times where I can turn to no one... I feel that someone still cares and nobody but I feel undeserving now because of how I treated others and how I let others treat me. But six words is all I pray to Him... It's "Thank you, and I am sorry."

I don't want to talk about this anymore... I'm sorry.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Defeatism and Escapism

"I finally found it!" "What?! What did you find?" "A way to destroy somebody else's mind." "That's ridiculous you better stop that!" "Since you're the only one who knows about it, I should try it on you!"

Some people resort to Defeatism and Escapism if they are constantly harmed, and by the way if you don't know what defeatism and escapism mean... You should know what the root words are. It's natural for us to fight or flee both are important but sometimes the other option is better. I'm sick of everyone's shitness when they constantly and continually harm a person for no good reason and the worse is you add insult to injury. Example... the person failed in a subject and they become sad and you go on telling the person "You're stupid and you don't study it's your fault moron." Wow you really keep this person's hopes up. Unless you're a very good friend who just happens to be a bitch and people can get around you and understand you. :) But seriously if you're not close stop... You're just spreading your shitty antics and it's not funny... and antics is supposed to be funny.

Well anyway people who have been constantly harmed are very hard to get to know... They push you away, they lie to you, and they don't give a damn about you, but seriously they need you... If you see a person in pain don't hesitate in helping because at the end it really does feel good to help. If you have resorted to defeatism and escapism... You're normal! :) Especially when you're in pain or just tired... :) So... EVERYONE SPREAD HAPPINESS AROUND NOT SHITNESS BECAUSE THE WORLD ALREADY REEKS OF IT!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Au Courant and Diffident

"What seems to be the problem?" "Something is coming and it's not friendly..." "Is it yourself?" "Never placed myself in the selection of choices but I think you're correct." "See... No matter who you are never exclude yourself." "No one gives a damn of who I am anyway." "But that doesn't mean you must not also give a damn about yourself." "Why are you helping me anyway?" "Because I give a damn about you."

Whoever you are and whatever you do people will criticize you and find ways to hate you, but when they do it appears that they give a damn about you. No matter how good or bad you are someone would hate you and love you... like God, he has a lot of people who like Him but despite all of that he still has haters. I've been hating people for their close-mindedness and their tendency to just care about those they are close to and eventually forget about others.

In my life it's either you get loved or hated I always care about whoever you are and I just don't leave anyone just to be with themselves. If I don't care about you yet you're good I tend to love you but if you were someone I don't care and you're a fucking bitch I hate you... NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE!!! There are no people that I don't care about only people I LOVE AND HATE...

Maybe you're thinking that I've said too much but for me I don't really give a damn... oh! I mean I hate you! :) It's me saying this and I'm not trying to sugar coat anything I've said because I'm not as good as you to sugar coat shit... :) If you're good BTW I love you! :D

REMEMBER! WHOEVER YOU ARE OR WHATEVER YOU DO SOMEONE CARES ABOUT YOU

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Perfunctory and Cognizant

College is coming and I'm a little apprehensive of what may come. At least I know how it felt to be a new student before and how shitty it all started, but hopefully it doesn't start and end with how I felt about my high school life... USELESS. I've been waiting all my stay in CSA and able to get out of that shit hole... and "HOPEFULLY" pass UP... which I obviously didn't.

Got into DLSU and got the course I wanted BS Chemical Engineering but still it kinda sucks that most of my batchmates are going there and I regret that I didn't study well so I can get to UP and never see anyone again but too bad... :| Anyway my mom insisted that after a year of doing my best in DLSU I can move to UP since DLSU's tuition is expensive.

Especially when I'm taking engineering courses... It would really be expensive... This is one of my biggest regrets, the not studying part and not getting into UP, but I would do my best to study and get good grades and hopefully get into UP. :)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Convocation then an Echelon

YAY!!! So we graduated last friday, April 1, 2011, and hell yeah! Finally out of that shit hole... :)) but I'm happy to have a FEW good teachers who teach well and just doesn't give good grades just because you're good. Also happy for friends I had and enemies that I have outgrown and help me grow. Life sucks at any rate so... Graduation is sucky and happy at the same time... :))

Graduation started and we had singing and shit... and it was finished had VERY FEW pictures and immediately went home because it was boring and stuff. Before going home we went to my mom's and office and she also called my brother to go to her office so we can meet there and go home together... Got home tired and staring blankly at everything and thinking of how useless I became... I just went straight home without even saying goodbye to friends or "friends:))" (you get the point what the "*" means) :)).
And graduation ball came up at sunday... So we had to prepare and do some shit again... Went to pick up my cousin and after being dropped of at the hotel we went straight to my friends room... Took some pictures and rounded up some other friends and do some shitty stuff... Then program started dancing and some awards that I didn't give a fuck about because obviously who votes for people like us...

And program ended crashed at my friend's room while my friends buy some Mcdonald's for us. Sleep no party because I would explain it later... Woke up early then took a bath and then we walked to Mcdonald's for breakfast and my other friend picked us up there and we went to school to get the Report Cards and left immediately to my other friend because we plan to confirm our slots for college... Rode the MRT then LRT and then confirmed our slots and luckily it was pretty quick. Got home immediately again LRT then 2 jeeps then home... and rest and then some PS3 (FFXIII and Dead Space) then sleep... :| and the conclusion is... LIFE SUCKS! :)