Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Obstinate Savant

Is this punishment, is this torment, or does this give me an obvious reason that I won't be having the future that everyone wanted for me? Too busy distracting myself, too busy covering up, too busy trying to be someone I'm not, telling myself that I can't find another way out. I know my mistakes, I know who I am. I'm intelligent when it comes to things that involve myself, but allow myself to be close-minded from things that other people find disturbing.

I am well aware of the shallowness that people allow themselves to have. Judging others, but never learn to judged themselves and reflect. They envelop in infinite hypocrisy. They think they know better. They have even blinded my own judgement. Powerful how they can manipulate my actions when my mind tries to negate it. I know I'm losing it and I know that I'm unhappy about it. I learned from mistakes that these, what we so call "people", ravaged from. Giving no obvious reason for their insecurity and insensitivity.

They're obviously lost, they can't fucking take care of themselves, yet I allow them to run my life in fear. So much to lose from one simple mistake, and no, neither family nor friends will abstain from obstinacy. If my reasons for this reflection I'm writing today, is portraying what I'm trying to hide you better fucking keep it to yourself and let it be a secret. People don't learn when they don't talk about it to people directly. Please learn to listen, just not to me, but also to others.

We're given this short life to change, and to make peace... Whether there is an afterlife or no afterlife we better make our lives fulfilling just not for ourselves but for others too. Spread the love, learn from the pain. Pity the obstinate, appreciate the savant... This may be vague, but I know few people will know what I'm talking about.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A Maculated Sanctity

Lately, I have been ashamed. Ashamed of who I am, and what I do. The lost of trust, respect, and hope for myself. I don't know what came over me to think about this and every moment it does... It hurts. I prayed and the only thing I felt more was more pain. For the only one to know what I truly am ashamed of, I really hope that I can talk to God. Provide me with answers that my shallow mind can't just happen to reflect about.

I don't know whether I'm worth respecting anymore when I myself don't respect myself too. What's to lose? I just want one person to understand. In reality, only a few do but it's just not enough... Do I also have to cling to His sanctity? What could've gone to my head to defile and befoul my only sanctuary. God apparently has a lot of reasons and I just do not happen to know what to do... I'm so sorry.

Apparently I'm confused and I know you are too... So many people to distrust, while so many thinks they're worth of respect. Why am I blessed or cursed of this critical mind? I'm tired, just please let me out at least for only one day. To rid myself of Virtues, values, vices and sins. Be who I am without regretting. Be what I want to be without restraint. Be a man worth of anything I wanted and needed without a second thought. Be compassionate to others without judging.

To regard me as a son of a defiled form of nature. No, it doesn't make it anymore better. I don't know if this world is worth living without the hierarchy. Sons of bitches think they're better than others when they don't know what the fuck life is about. I am now so far from being reformed, healed, and helped. Do I have to keep this inside me? I know the answer... YES! Because no one gives a fuck.

It's best to rid someone's vanity and narcissism for it's the only time they would understand. I'm so sorry God! For better or worse... You're the only one I can trust.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Contravened Encumbrance

So this wednesday we didn't have classes since we were asked to watch a video which was on thursday. So my blockmates planned to go on a trip in their village. We got there on wednesday by taxi and we had a tour in their house and some laughter... But one joke really fucking offended me.

It really ruined my day and we had a "talk" because they weren't really talking. We all fucking cried and it was the worst moment of my life. I asked for apologies and they can't even say it, and it was all I was asking for. I felt guilt that I ruined the trip, but no I didn't because what they said was really offensive so it really took a toll on me.

It took about 1 and 1/2 hours before everything was okay. I only asked for apologies and they eventually did. I composed myself and asked them to stand up but they won't, so I left for a while and got back. I told them that I have forgiven them and I gave them hugs. Then everything felt OK.

Everything after that went smoothly and we played Lazer Tag and I was second! :"> Always part of the top 3! :)) Anyway I felt glad that I didn't hold on to the grudge because I was able to tell them that it was enough, it isn't funny, it isn't okay, and I will forgive. I know conflicts is inevitable even in your own families; what more with your own friends. I really thank God for letting me easily forgive for what they did, and also we went through the day as if nothing happened. Anyway "God loves your soul 'til your aching bones..."

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Deflagrate the Cynicism

Oh shit! We just had quiz on Chemistry awhile ago and for yesterday... Trigonometry. I just want to rest and now we would have another quiz next week! BULLSHIT! :| But honestly I'm kinda thankful for these quizzes and college itself because if it weren't for these reasons I wouldn't change my study habits. My study habits by the way before is "SLEEPING" and now "ACTUALLY STUDYING".

I'm just too tired to be doing anything right now and I deserve some rest... BUT NO!!! Some crappy subject called PERSEF1 (PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS) has homework. And by the way it's the epitome of all bullshit subjects. I'd rather have another 6 hours of math then do this. Actually.......... I'm kinda conflicted with what I just said. Haha fuck! Anyway I really hate this the fact that my subjects are hard, but I don't care I love my course, I love my chemical engineering! But the fact remains that I have to struggle and be tortured to be what I want.

Anyway I'm doing homework now. :| BULLSHIT! I'll do it in class! Hahaha! Need some time to... :)
And by the way I'm not like the others who asks you to FML or KMN but I'd be glad if you can do my homeworks for me :"> Haha...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

To Burke the Pulchritude

I have been patient for far too long and I'm fucking pissed for everyone's insensitivity when everyone did "it" right in front of me. People don't know how much that ruined my day, it's even worse than grabbing shit literally. Being plastic ain't my style nor telling that you're a piece of shit right in front of you because I'm not a dumbshit like you. I don't care whether we haven't did anything as good as your true friends did but I can't believe people like ignore such simple things. Yah you know what I'm talking about.

Don't you fucking dare approach me for apologies because I know shit will start again especially with your fucking attitude that really pisses me off. Don't call me immature for the simple thing you did but you don't know how fucked up the thing you did. Don't tell me to drop it because seriously if I did what you did to me you'd be fucking pissed too you dumbshit!

I don't give a damn for you anymore and for the fact that I'm never forgiving you doesn't give you any right to ask help from me. I don't care anymore how good you seem to be but fuck it bitch! I wouldn't want you die anyway I just want you suffer for a long time. Seriously if you happen to read this you would obviously feel the change of attitude I feel for you when I'm around you and I'm sure you'd be scared.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

A Prosaic Mosaic

School started last wednesday and it's kinda ok. Teachers were mostly nice and subjects aren't really neat... :O Since most of it are major such as Algebra, Trigonometry, and Chemistry. The first three days were ok except for the fact that I had to the a Pre-lab journal which stressed me so much... :| Anyway this week was kinda ok too, I'm pretty tired like I would need a 5 days of weekend and 2 weekdays.

Commuting by the way every day is very tiring and by the time I get to school I'm already perspiring like hell, and I'm glad to have a close friend living a block away from me who happens to have classes at 8 from tuesday to friday so I get to go with her. By the way eating lunch isn't easy as it seems, we had to search for restaurants that can accommodate our group and compensate for our budgets.

Anyway this week just seemed to pass by and although it seemed that it did, it really quite stressed me out. We also had a quiz on CHEMONE (chemistry) which was quite easy since it is still about the basics of matter. We also have ENGALG and ENGTRIG (Algebra and Trigonometry repectively) homeworks and a presentation for CHEMONE on tuesday. It's good that we have a recollection on Monday a for of rest probably but it is still whole day... :| So... Since the first day of classes I missed everything about High School: The school bus, the no need to transfer to other classrooms, the very convenient canteens, the careless feeling, requirements are "USUALLY" part of the tuition fee, and many more... :| But I have to get use to it since I don't have a choice... :/

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Aghast and Imperiled

"Where do you think you're going?" "Running away from the pain everyone had fun inflicting on me." "Can't you fight?" "I don't want to risk it." "You do know that there is no escape until you risk something, right?"

People have been running away from their fears and when they do, they run anywhere blindly when they can simply turn around fight back or if not turn to other corners rather than running straight... and the reason is, people are just scared to take risks, including myself. To be honest I'm done running away from my fears I'm just looking at it straight in the face because I know that running away from it won't change anything and it will only tire me out... Although looking at it won't change a thing too it helps me invigorate my bravery against it. I just happen to get used to it until the fear is gone, though doing nothing has hurt me a lot of times.

I'm starting to get really confused now. I don't know maybe I just have to concede to the idea that people have to run away from their fears and let themselves tire out because it isn't my fear I'm facing, it's theirs. Nevermind, it's their choice in life to be miserable anyway. I'm so confused right now! :O GOD! WTF is GOING ON! Anyway bye... Just think of a way to shallowly defeat your fears.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Doldrums to Inanity

Years with summers that are dominated by technology made my summer more and more boring. I have been so bored lately that everything I think I'm doing is already called "productive". Just sitting down and doing nothing is already "productive" what more if I don't do anything? It's like #$%^&*(*%$ Can't explain! :) So Technology has been really eating my time to go out, even though it's fucking hot! With everyone using skype I started to get sick of it because I already had an account since first year... :)) So I have to do some other stuff with internet and then my cousin sent me this...(CLICK)>> <<(CLICK) If you don't trust the site this is what you would be able to see...

It's an "INTERGALACTIC TOASTED BUTTERED PASTRY KITTEN!" and the best part it sings! :)) Once you open it there would be a clock counting up by seconds... I call it the "TOLERANCE LEVEL", when you see the word tolerance it sounds bad! :O HAH!! But seriously try it for yourselves it's so fun! :)) And by the way if you don't understand english you can change the language on the upper right bar... Japanese English and Nyan... Everyone can understand nyan very instantly if you listen to the kitten singing! :))

And by the way a strong warning! Nyan Cat can ber very physically and mentally harmful and at the same time addicting... :)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Fatiferous Flora

"Why is it that people only recognize what's good about the person when they are dead or dying?" "Because people are ignorant." "I guess so..."

I just realized something when this happened on my family altar...
These flowers started dying just this morning and when its on its early stage of decomposition it gives out its strong but good odor... As if it was asking for help by intoxicating or rather giving out its best by being humble. And then it struck me awhile ago while looking at these decaying flowers I started to appreciate it's beauty, the scent it was releasing, and the short life it had to please others.

Just like how life runs. You do your best to please others and most of the time they ignore you, and when your short life comes to an end that's the time they only appreciate and realize the goodness you have done for them. I know they always say "Seize the day!" and when we do say that, we only remember ourselves and ignore others. We must appreciate others kindness it is the most simplest things that makes a distraught person happy... Right? :)) Depends upon you but seeing someone happy just because you listened to them is really for a good cause. :)


Friday, April 29, 2011

Orison and Benediction

"I'm sick of everyone being a bitch." "Don't waste your life dwelling on that." "That is what you all people say! Trying to ignore of what is really going on and then act happy." "So? Are you happy?" "Do you think I'm happy?" "Obviously not." "Then don't ask!" "Talk about being a bitch and a hypocrite." "Just shut up! You ruined my day and my life." "Fine! You know what. Just jump off a bridge because no one is ever gonna change for you!" "Shut up!" "Have you even thought that other people hate this kind of life yet they're happy?!" "I don't care!" "That's why, you always thought life would be a walk in the park but it's not! "Don't talk to me." "Ok fine I'm leaving. Just a little heads up awhile ago on your hypocracy and your thirstness for an impossible dream."

I don't know maybe I'm losing hope and if I do I wish that it continues. I can't get out anymore... I just can't runaway from this ruined world and it's inhabitants that continue to ravage it. I feel lost in every moment of pain. I don't know if I intentionally induce my indecisiveness when I am in pain or not. I'm drained out of all respect and sincerity, I even forgot who deserves it... I gave it all to myself. Undeserving as I can be I'm not suppose to feed myself of these privileges. In times that I intentionally forget about who deserve it I'm sorry.

I have just realized I have been feeding my thoughts on how to help the world and stay happy but in the end what it really did was... I was the one who ended needing help and at the same time unhappy. Never alone, yet feeling that you do. Will completely annihilate my joy... One petty mistake destroyed it all... How come destruction is so powerful and easy when you construct it's hard... You build respect and people's sincerity and one fatal mistake you lose it, and when you try to regain it... You even almost lost your life... I can't believe I have taken a beating from one petty and lousy mistake it drains me of my happiness but I feel the urge to rebuild it once again... In times like this other's seek death but what I seek is different... I seek a better life... Do my best to rebuild it but at the end you realize you're not doing your best and what you did was futile... I don't care if you do or not do this but it's been a long time as in a long time since I did this with my full respect and sincerity... and it's praying.

In times of dire need I'm such a hypocrite to let this all consume me when I induced it myself... God is no opiate and feels like he doesn't exist but no... because he is much more better than that. I respect you if you don't believe in Him and I'm asking for your respect because of me believing in Him... Because in times where I can turn to no one... I feel that someone still cares and nobody but I feel undeserving now because of how I treated others and how I let others treat me. But six words is all I pray to Him... It's "Thank you, and I am sorry."

I don't want to talk about this anymore... I'm sorry.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Defeatism and Escapism

"I finally found it!" "What?! What did you find?" "A way to destroy somebody else's mind." "That's ridiculous you better stop that!" "Since you're the only one who knows about it, I should try it on you!"

Some people resort to Defeatism and Escapism if they are constantly harmed, and by the way if you don't know what defeatism and escapism mean... You should know what the root words are. It's natural for us to fight or flee both are important but sometimes the other option is better. I'm sick of everyone's shitness when they constantly and continually harm a person for no good reason and the worse is you add insult to injury. Example... the person failed in a subject and they become sad and you go on telling the person "You're stupid and you don't study it's your fault moron." Wow you really keep this person's hopes up. Unless you're a very good friend who just happens to be a bitch and people can get around you and understand you. :) But seriously if you're not close stop... You're just spreading your shitty antics and it's not funny... and antics is supposed to be funny.

Well anyway people who have been constantly harmed are very hard to get to know... They push you away, they lie to you, and they don't give a damn about you, but seriously they need you... If you see a person in pain don't hesitate in helping because at the end it really does feel good to help. If you have resorted to defeatism and escapism... You're normal! :) Especially when you're in pain or just tired... :) So... EVERYONE SPREAD HAPPINESS AROUND NOT SHITNESS BECAUSE THE WORLD ALREADY REEKS OF IT!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Au Courant and Diffident

"What seems to be the problem?" "Something is coming and it's not friendly..." "Is it yourself?" "Never placed myself in the selection of choices but I think you're correct." "See... No matter who you are never exclude yourself." "No one gives a damn of who I am anyway." "But that doesn't mean you must not also give a damn about yourself." "Why are you helping me anyway?" "Because I give a damn about you."

Whoever you are and whatever you do people will criticize you and find ways to hate you, but when they do it appears that they give a damn about you. No matter how good or bad you are someone would hate you and love you... like God, he has a lot of people who like Him but despite all of that he still has haters. I've been hating people for their close-mindedness and their tendency to just care about those they are close to and eventually forget about others.

In my life it's either you get loved or hated I always care about whoever you are and I just don't leave anyone just to be with themselves. If I don't care about you yet you're good I tend to love you but if you were someone I don't care and you're a fucking bitch I hate you... NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE!!! There are no people that I don't care about only people I LOVE AND HATE...

Maybe you're thinking that I've said too much but for me I don't really give a damn... oh! I mean I hate you! :) It's me saying this and I'm not trying to sugar coat anything I've said because I'm not as good as you to sugar coat shit... :) If you're good BTW I love you! :D


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Perfunctory and Cognizant

College is coming and I'm a little apprehensive of what may come. At least I know how it felt to be a new student before and how shitty it all started, but hopefully it doesn't start and end with how I felt about my high school life... USELESS. I've been waiting all my stay in CSA and able to get out of that shit hole... and "HOPEFULLY" pass UP... which I obviously didn't.

Got into DLSU and got the course I wanted BS Chemical Engineering but still it kinda sucks that most of my batchmates are going there and I regret that I didn't study well so I can get to UP and never see anyone again but too bad... :| Anyway my mom insisted that after a year of doing my best in DLSU I can move to UP since DLSU's tuition is expensive.

Especially when I'm taking engineering courses... It would really be expensive... This is one of my biggest regrets, the not studying part and not getting into UP, but I would do my best to study and get good grades and hopefully get into UP. :)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Convocation then an Echelon

YAY!!! So we graduated last friday, April 1, 2011, and hell yeah! Finally out of that shit hole... :)) but I'm happy to have a FEW good teachers who teach well and just doesn't give good grades just because you're good. Also happy for friends I had and enemies that I have outgrown and help me grow. Life sucks at any rate so... Graduation is sucky and happy at the same time... :))

Graduation started and we had singing and shit... and it was finished had VERY FEW pictures and immediately went home because it was boring and stuff. Before going home we went to my mom's and office and she also called my brother to go to her office so we can meet there and go home together... Got home tired and staring blankly at everything and thinking of how useless I became... I just went straight home without even saying goodbye to friends or "friends:))" (you get the point what the "*" means) :)).
And graduation ball came up at sunday... So we had to prepare and do some shit again... Went to pick up my cousin and after being dropped of at the hotel we went straight to my friends room... Took some pictures and rounded up some other friends and do some shitty stuff... Then program started dancing and some awards that I didn't give a fuck about because obviously who votes for people like us...

And program ended crashed at my friend's room while my friends buy some Mcdonald's for us. Sleep no party because I would explain it later... Woke up early then took a bath and then we walked to Mcdonald's for breakfast and my other friend picked us up there and we went to school to get the Report Cards and left immediately to my other friend because we plan to confirm our slots for college... Rode the MRT then LRT and then confirmed our slots and luckily it was pretty quick. Got home immediately again LRT then 2 jeeps then home... and rest and then some PS3 (FFXIII and Dead Space) then sleep... :| and the conclusion is... LIFE SUCKS! :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Vilification and Subterfuge

Dishonesty, deception, and deceit. All forms of the inability to accept what is right... Well for my point of view. There are some things that are negative that we just can't accept and dwell on it which we just keep wasting our lives on. People are bitches period. That's one of the few things that is so hard to accept and the fact that I'm a bitch too allows me to accept that people are really what they want to be.

We have been lying every now and then, and yes it is fine to lie when it helps us survive through our daily lives. It is very hard and very rare to find people living happily than people surviving trying to be happy. If the world reduced and if better annihilate any form of dishonesty we would have an easier time to understand the world and accept people in it. Not to be a hypocrite... yes I do judge people and yes I know you do too... It is very hard to avoid judging especially when they have wronged someone.

I don't know... maybe I'm just getting a little too observant to realize these things or probably I'm not... I don't know what I'm saying anymore.. It's just to hard to comprehend with everyone's changing moods especially when it is necessary to please them to survive.

I'm just really having a difficult time to know what is right and wrong in this world that sometimes we just lie to ourselves... and if we do the more we have to deal with dishonesty... so for backstabbing and plastic people... I hope you get backstabbed (LITERALLY)! :) Maybe I'm just too scared to admit that people are hopeless and thinking about it made me realize that they are. Sometimes we do change or cover who we really are just to belong and yes these are the forms of deception that are acceptable... but it is still a form of deception... So yah I don't know maybe the world is just hopeless. God's probably pissed at me for thinking this way but it's also something that I should accept. :|

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Enmity, Animus, & Rancor

"I saw you a while ago." "So?" "Nothing just telling..." "..." "It's been a long time since we've met. So, how are you?" "Never felt worse." "Why?!" "I don't know... the world sucks! It hates me, and everyone hates me!" "Really? So why do you think I'm talking to you." "So you can exploit my secrets and further hate me..." "I'm sorry for the way you view the world." "Don't be, if it wasn't for me and other people like me... The world won't feel any sympathy."

Fear, hatred, & anger, people use this to create a world filled with fa├žades. We are so afraid to show what we truly feel and who we truly are and I'm sick of people telling this: "You should show what you really feel and forget about how other people treat you." Yes I get your point but that is so stupid, people put on a mask because it's about them SURVIVING the world, and because it eases them to go through their lives WITHOUT other people or SOME other people judging them. If you are trying to hide you're true feelings it's not a sin, and it won't kill you but it would hurt you and it will help keep you surviving in a bitchy world we live in.

Hatred, if you hate others they would hate you back... so what do you have? More hatred. I feel kind of guilty a while ago during our Batch Recollection because the guy from FISH, George Gabriel, said that "... for those who look at the negative things about people and the world... have you seen yourself smiling so often?(translated from TAGALOG :D)". Yes I am pretty judgmental(BTW it's correct spelling!) about everything and everyone and yes I do realize I'm not really happy often... Yes we have a few(ACTUALLY MANY) occasional laughs but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm not happy in the world I live in. I do my best to keep my mind open so if I start to know the person better it will change my view about them.

Conclusion! :)) Formal theme writing LOL! :D Anyway a world filled with happiness and goodness is impossible and idealistic... like WORLD PEACE! (hypocrite) And we cannot remove all the negative people around us and judgmental people like me, but if you're one of the strong ones who stay happy although this chaos surrounds us... stay happy... because you change the chaos that surrounds you into something better and if not, you serve as a sanctuary or an oasis who thirst for happiness.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Manifold Envisages

"TIME HAS PASSED... LET GO! BECAUSE IT WILL SURELY LEAVE YOU!" "I'm tired of what you say..." "How about a nice cup of coffee?" "What I don't get it?" "Don't jump!" "What are you saying?" "Stop dancing! Just kidding!" "I DON'T UNDERSTAND TELL ME?!" "My last breath..." "TELL ME!"

Dreams confusing and misleading it may seem, people want it and they also want to remember it. People say dreams tell you a message that may help you solve problems that you're facing, and sometimes dreams induce more problems with unsolved nightmares. I posted a blog three posts ago about lucid dream and how it can help.

Anyway I've been dreaming and aware I've been dreaming and I still can't control it. My dream two days ago was it was a Post-apocalyptic 2011 where me and other people are stranded in a junk shop. A man with a truck teleported in front of us with a man telling us to ride the truck, but not only did the truck teleported but hordes of zombies came, we defended ourselves and no one was hurt. Then my dream's focus shifted to a nuclear power plant being destroyed by activists, the same people I defended myself from zombies, and the lake behind the junk shop stop spewing toxic waste and the funny thing was that the lake was in cartoon drawing. Proceeding... a man sitting on a wall made with "YERO" (I don't know the english for it, it's the metal stuff placed for the roofs). This part was funny because I got my belt hit the "YERO" with my belt and let the man sitting on it, which was my classmate (don't wanna mention names), fall down the lake. I then proceeded to the man who brought the truck and ask him why the zombies weren't attacking him then... I WOKE UP!

Freakishly weird and fun the only part I controlled my dream was the guy sitting on the "YERO" and me making him fall of it. :)) Kinda experimenting with dreams.. :)) LOL! PRACTICE LUCID DREAMING GUYS! It's recommended especially those who really want to remember their dreams or control it... :D

Friday, March 11, 2011

Circumvented and Tarryed

Anybody a fan of Onerepublic? :)) Well I've been waiting for a long time already for them to visit the Philippines and they won't come. They even tweeted about it saying: "Philippines? not sure when but hopefully soon." and this was November 2009!

I really want them to come. Being a big fan of every last song from the original albums to Deluxe Editions and extra iTunes tracks. I can no longer wait. :)) If they come I'm gonna ask my mom money no matter how much the backstage passes are (MEET & GREET?). :))

Anyway still hoping and waiting for them to come. PLEASE! :) It's been a long time since I went to a concert... :| LOL.. sad :|

Discord and Mellifluousness

Musical Inclination some may have the ability to play but don't even know how to read notes. I feel kinda bitter that I've been playing, practicing and taking lessons for piano for almost 11 Years and others are still better than me because they have better ear to instrument adjustment.

Yes they may have played it but usually not in the proper scale making it yah sound the same just not in proper pitch and when you ask them do you know what not what're pressing right now they don't even know what it is.

AND YES! Chords! People who play chords think they're so good at playing their instrument such as piano and guitar. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT NOTES ARE IN A CHORD! Just because it's a C chord doesn't mean the notes you're playing are all C! C chords notes are: Do, Mi and Sol (C,E, & G).

I know I'm bitter and yes there are popular artists who use their ears to play new songs and of course all songs have chords. But hey I know meaning and emotions are a big part of music but don't get me wrong when music doesn't involve notes.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Diaphanous Vagary

So two weeks ago me and my cousin on my father side decide to visit my cousin in my mother side since he is gonna borrow a game and decided to accompany him. We got there at night and laughed at some random pictures and one of those was how to Lucid Dream. He was so fascinated that he kept the steps and I tried it for myself.

Lucid dreams are dreams you can control, observe, and clearly remember. I practiced and my goodness it is working it says that the first step to control your dream is to remember it so that you would be aware that you're dreaming and goodness I remember clearly all my dreams and there are plenty of them.

Well I've been having a hard time observing because I still have that inability to do reality checks while dreaming. Having a lucid dream can be so rewarding and the good thing about lucid dreaming it can process your thoughts properly and you can continue a dream by remembering where you left off. It's highly recommended if you do this especially for those having nightmares so you can control your dream and even just observe what really is happening. :D It's kinda creepy by the way when you have a nightmare and you just observe and you don't know what to do and you can't get out. :))

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Lackaidaisical and Detrimental

So yesterday was the start our PTs! and for graduating students like me we start a week or 2 weeks before the undergraduates start taking their PTs... If it's a PT week it will be a half day. So we had our Math and Filipino PT yesterday and things got I don't know useless... :)

Me and my friend waited for our school buses. Her's was already at school and was able to leave at 12:00 pm leaving me with my 2 other busmates who are also apparently waiting for the bus. My other busmate suggested we commute because she had enough money to cover us all. Planning to ride the train we just went for the Taxi since we are three that we can split the money fairly without counting the cost. Got to my other busmate's village but to bad the guard got the driver's license to allow us to get into his village leaving me and my other busmate to ride the tricycle because there is no way he can get into our village without turning back to the direction we just passed making us waste more than P 200.

Riding the designated tricycle for my other busmate's village we only stopped at our village's gate to save an P 50. We walked and then we split after passing her house then I eventually realized that my pants are lighter. Patting through my pants and pocket I realized I lost my BlackBerry! :( 3 Blocks away from my home I can't stop cursing! :(

Losing my phone made me lose my interest to study for the next PT! :( Badtrip! :(

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Indefatigable Stalwart

We had our very first fun run a while ago at about 6:00 AM at MOA for a 5 kilometer run which was fun!! :)) Anyway me and my friends planned to go together to MOA and me someone planned to go together as partners so... for nothing we just wanted to be partners anyway.

I woke up at 4:00 in the morning to prepare and go to my friend's house, which was a block away from my house, at 4:30 then we waited until we were able to go at 5:30 and go to MOA at 6:10 which was the gunstart for the 3 kilometer runners... So we were late by 10 minutes.

We ran for 2 kilometer straight and just laughed the whole fun run and drink vigorously at every Pocari Sweat and Wilkins water booth.. :)) Too bad there was no banana station... XD It was fun I would be glad to join another fun run. It was also worth the experience... Anyway we finished it in 25 minutes...

Then I went home at around 8:00 and slept XD... Now I have to start writing for our journalism PT... :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Sonoluminescence in a Penumbra

"There is always light in every shadow." -FFVII "There is always a small faint light in every darkness." -Kingdom Hearts 2

Figuratively there is a sleeping innocent baby in a demon like person! FUCKER!...

Sono- sound
Luminescence- the emission of light not caused by incandescence and occurring at a TEMPERATURE BELOW that of incandescent bodies. (Temperature is a little milder)
Sonoluminscence- the emission of a flash of light accompanying the bursting of a bubble in a liquid when sound waves are passed through the liquid.

Many people say that we have to give people second chances and I do... and my patience is really long, well not obviously. I even give people a lot of chances but I admit that's how I've been played.

To understand me is a tedious task it may not take long to understand me... But seriously you may give up at the sight of how I act.

I had an ideology that "If you have nothing good to say DON'T SAY IT." I've been living this principle for a year and a half and eventually learned that people don't deserve this kind of treatment. Doing this made me more aware that people are disrespectful, lethargic, apathetic, and hopeless. This made me who I am today... being FRANK made me stronger and able to weaken a person further then apply the ideology I had.

I have a lot of regrets but I learned that it will be IMPOSSIBLE AND NEVER WILL IT BE POSSIBLE for WORLD PEACE... simple misunderstanding in a small group is complicated. Well how about in bigger masses?

Well they said that they have an innocent child calling softly to burst from the darkness that people have in their hearts waiting to be corrected in whether we like it or not... WITH RESPECT... This last paragraph by the way is the concept I have called. "Sonoluminescence in a Penumbra", A light created by a child calling out softly inside a dark body.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A Tutelaric Sanctity

RELIGION... One of the many things I hate but oh so respected. God... One of the few things I love. So during our retreat we were given an illustration board with an outline of a man if the one who receives it is a man or a woman if the receiver is a woman. So within the dark area of the board all bad things you do and the light side well you already know.

ANYWAY after some other few sessions we have to right our sins on the right side on the dark area and my first sin was... I HATE RELIGION ALTHOUGH I HAVE DIRE RESPECT FOR GOD. Nevertheless I can't find myself to completely hate religion because without it I wouldn't have understood God in the first place.

I never doubted God it's just that before I didn't care because when I was a child I was force to go to church and stuff which I find completely boring. I found and understand God in my own way. I love Him and I know He loves me.

Anyway I find some flaws in atheists... they usually target religion but not God but yah... GOD IS USUALLY yah.... hated. Well everyone has their haters! Anyway I've got a lot of things to say about this as in A LOT! Yet I'm too overwhelmed to tell everything so yah.

GOD? Does he exist or not? They say God didn't make man but man made God... If that is true man is then smart enough to create Him. And some atheist says that people who believe in God are afraid to die... Well I'm not... Sort of excited anyway...

"If God didn't exist, it will be necessary to invent Him." -High Voltaire