Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Dereavement, a Euphoria

I'm totally unstable now that I want to get a chainsaw and cut everybody up I see. I've reached my peak of my anger and this problem has no connection of being bored at home but something else. If I was given a wish I would've for at least someone to listen to me at this very moment. I'm totally distraught right now and can't wait if I was chance to just rip someones head off!

Everyone here puts everyone to judgement and nobody cares what you say and HEY! I think I've been talking to God which of course listens but can't reply at the same time. I maybe apathetic and lethargic but It's at least one of my needs is to talk to somebody. It is really getting bothersome I tried to neglect the problem but the more I do the more i get piqued.

I wish there is one person who can understand me for who I am not to force someone to be someone else and bring up a problem to the he/she is changing and somehow add a pleasure for who they are. FUCK OFF!! If you don't want for who I am and adding more problems you better shut up and understand why I'm like this.

As they: "The more, the merrier." Is a big fucking lie that's why I prefer my birthdays alone with no one to talk to you may I say I have had a happy life and should've known that sometimes mistaked happen but you don't what's happening to me now! It's like every thing I do seems a mistake.

I try not to vent my anger but calm down and reflect but it doesn't help me bit reflecting on it makes me angered of why I'm making myself remember all the things that are wrong. They could've brong up the good stuff isolation may be not a good cure for what's happening right now. That's why a good escape route for me now would be dereavement but it's always the same.

This blog may be pathetically long but I'm sure I could let of some steam for awhile it may help but it's making me more angry but just as I said everything I do is all wrong. If I could only play God for one day or atleast remove the people of apathy from the world it would've been great, considering I'm apathetic I'm still aproachable so I better lay off now cool of and punch my brother like I usually do although he is heavy, well at least this bring me a smile. :|

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